Modern Marriage

Glad 2 know

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Some factors.
1. Lack of education or wrong information about relationships in the mainstream world.
2. Personality disorders
3. This world is becoming more and more increasingly stressful and can leave both partners exhausted where they don't want to deal with each other's flaws. They want to deal with as little trouble as possible.
4. Not knowing/wanting to compromise.
 

elsbet

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Some factors.
1. Lack of education or wrong information about relationships in the mainstream world.
2. Personality disorders
3. This world is becoming more and more increasingly stressful and can leave both partners exhausted where they don't want to deal with each other's flaws. They want to deal with as little trouble as possible.
4. Not knowing/wanting to compromise.
Regarding no. 2

I was thinking this, as well... there are some seriously damaged people out there. Personality disorders (legitimate narcissism or sociopathy, for one) are *very difficult* to live with-- especially if they are untreated. Heck, even if they are treated. I'm not talking about normal bouts of depression/ the blues, but people that are essentially predators. :confused:
 

Glad 2 know

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Regarding no. 2

I was thinking this, as well... there are some seriously damaged people out there. Personality disorders (legitimate narcissism or sociopathy, for one) are *very difficult* to live with-- especially if they are untreated. Heck, even if they are treated. I'm not talking about normal bouts of depression/ the blues, but people that are essentially predators. :confused:
Yes it is VERY SAD that people were not given a fair chance at having a normal and stable life. Whatever the parents created then other people have to deal with too when those kids become adults. They don't make good marriage mates AT ALL.
 

DesertRose

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kindness beautifies interactions so this makes much sense.

The experiments of Masaru Emoto with emotional imprinting of water
"Masaru Emoto has carried out very interesting experiments with water at critical point for freezing. He claims that words expressing emotions have effect on the crystals formed in the process. Emoto reports that words with positive emotional contents produce beautiful crystals and those with negative emotional content generate ugly ones. Also music and even pictures are reported to have similar effect. Emoto has also experimented with rice in water and claims that the words with positive emotions content induce a metabolic process known as fermentation whereas those with negative emotional content tend to induce rottening. The experiments can be certainly criticized and people calling themselves skeptics have reacted violently to these claims. "
“Words are the vibration of nature. Therefore, beautiful words create beautiful nature. Ugly words create ugly nature. This is the root of the universe.”
– Dr Masaru Emoto



Masters of Love
Science says lasting relationships come down to—you guessed it—kindness and generosity.
Excerpt:
"There’s a habit of mind that the masters have,” Gottman explained in an interview, “which is this: they are scanning social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. "
"And people who treat their partners with contempt and criticize them not only kill the love in the relationship, but they also kill their partner's ability to fight off viruses and cancers. Being mean is the death knell of relationships."
 
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elsbet

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kindness beautifies interactions so this makes much sense.

The experiments of Masaru Emoto with emotional imprinting of water
"Masaru Emoto has carried out very interesting experiments with water at critical point for freezing. He claims that words expressing emotions have effect on the crystals formed in the process. Emoto reports that words with positive emotional contents produce beautiful crystals and those with negative emotional content generate ugly ones. Also music and even pictures are reported to have similar effect. Emoto has also experimented with rice in water and claims that the words with positive emotions content induce a metabolic process known as fermentation whereas those with negative emotional content tend to induce rottening. The experiments can be certainly criticized and people calling themselves skeptics have reacted violently to these claims. "

– Dr Masaru Emoto



Masters of Love
Science says lasting relationships come down to—you guessed it—kindness and generosity.
Excerpt:
"There’s a habit of mind that the masters have,” Gottman explained in an interview, “which is this: they are scanning social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. "
"And people who treat their partners with contempt and criticize them not only kill the love in the relationship, but they also kill their partner's ability to fight off viruses and cancers. Being mean is the death knell of relationships."
"Being mean is the death knell of relationships."


Truer words... ♡
 
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marriage like everything now is an industry, its not about the marriage its about the wedding, weddings are a multibillion dollar industry.

However i do think women and men are both to blame for marriages failing. women are fed stories of romance and how guys will just change if you make the effort to fix him, or that she must change her personality to fit the men shes with, i had one friend with zero personality because she would only like things, have hobbies or interests that fit what the guys shes with interests. Most men leave her because they feel like they are suffocating.
while men seem to want things to remain the same, women should look the same at 20 when they married and when shes 40 after birthing him his children, then leaves because responsibilities are to much, women are meant to be a substitute mother, cleaner, cook, sex slave and model, while often working full time herself, then hes shocked when she takes the kids and leaves.
Both sexes have a hand in the failure of marriage

However i dont think we should go back to the old idea of marriage where men
 

Maes17

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marriage like everything now is an industry, its not about the marriage its about the wedding, weddings are a multibillion dollar industry.

However i do think women and men are both to blame for marriages failing. women are fed stories of romance and how guys will just change if you make the effort to fix him, or that she must change her personality to fit the men shes with, i had one friend with zero personality because she would only like things, have hobbies or interests that fit what the guys shes with interests. Most men leave her because they feel like they are suffocating.
while men seem to want things to remain the same, women should look the same at 20 when they married and when shes 40 after birthing him his children, then leaves because responsibilities are to much, women are meant to be a substitute mother, cleaner, cook, sex slave and model, while often working full time herself, then hes shocked when she takes the kids and leaves.
Both sexes have a hand in the failure of marriage

However i dont think we should go back to the old idea of marriage where men
I agree. People get in relationships for the wrong reasons. It’s social pressure and some people absolutely feel they need to impress the opposite sex.

The thing is relationships take work, requires confidence, communication. Some people have it. Some people don’t.
 

recure

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Relational Thinking
Why is Modern Love So Damn Hard?

Esther Perel

The All or Nothing Marriage by Eli Finkel. Eli, a psychological scientist, goes into some depth about the research behind modern marriage, focusing in particular on the increasing set of expectations behind marriage and the ideology behind the institution.

Loving Bravely by Alexandra Solomon. Alexandra is the founder of Marriage 101, a course at Northwestern University that teaches undergraduates how to prepare for the types of relationships they want to have. Her book is a wonderfully written insight into the process of developing “relational self-awareness”, the prerequisite to being in a healthy relationship.
The Jewish fascination with "psychology" and social engineering (Marxism, critical theory, second wave feminism) is all Talmudic philosophizing for goyish consumption.
 
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Marriages/long term relationships are all about equal compromises.
Give and take.

You have to accept their stupidity, their annoying habits, their faliability.
And the have to accept yours.
so true, im in a long term relationship, and compromise and letting each other have space is one of the reasons we have out lasted all our friends and family.
One thing we constantly have to defend is i love travelling be it driving around England finding historical sites or flying to other countries i live to travel, my partener he hates travelling, finds long journeys and crowds anxiety inducing So i travel alone a lot while he stays at home, he often even pays for trips for me for birthday presents. Both of us have been accused of being selfish, i should stop travelling because he hates it or he should be forced to travel, even tot he point family and friends have told him i must be cheating on him because i like to travel, which is idiotic, we are two different people with different tastes we dont need to be around each other 24/7.
Interestingly those who complain have been divorced or had many short lived relationships, i dont see this as a coincidence
 

Karlysymon

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kindness beautifies interactions so this makes much sense.

"And people who treat their partners with contempt and criticize them not only kill the love in the relationship, but they also kill their partner's ability to fight off viruses and cancers. Being mean is the death knell of relationships."
Not just partners but also friends or relatives who incessantly complain and criticize about any and everything are just unbearable to be around. The negativity sucks the life out of you and it’s like walking on eggshells when around them. Even more perplexing is the energy they marshal just so they can be bothered by something. It’s like they wake up in the morning to find something wrong somewhere. A marriage with someone like that would definitely be hell…..who would want that?

There’s an old saying in this respect: “Be a gold-finder not a dirt-finder”.
 
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Not just partners but also friends or relatives who incessantly complain and criticize about any and everything are just unbearable to be around. The negativity sucks the life out of you and it’s like walking on eggshells when around them. Even more perplexing is the energy they marshal just so they can be bothered by something. It’s like they wake up in the morning to find something wrong somewhere. A marriage with someone like that would definitely be hell…..who would want that?

There’s an old saying in this respect: “Be a gold-finder not a dirt-finder”.
I call these people "energy vampires" as I've come across them in my life and find in addition to sucking my wind, they also suck the life out of me. I suppose it's their way of feeling validated, but it's essentially the ½ empty or ½ full glass, or misery loves company scenario.
 

DesertRose

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…..who would want that?
Exactly! We should tell these toxic people that their immune system is getting a hit or that the cabal want them depressed, depending on whom you are speaking to.:)

A marriage with someone like that would definitely be hell…..
Yup that is the definition of hell on earth!

Ralph Emerson:
"Don't be a cynic, and bewail and bemoan.
Omit the negative propositions.
Don't waste yourself in rejection,
nor bark against the bad,
but chant the beauty of the good.
Set down nothing that will help somebody."
 

Karlysymon

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I call these people "energy vampires" as I've come across them in my life and find in addition to sucking my wind, they also suck the life out of me. I suppose it's their way of feeling validated, but it's essentially the ½ empty or ½ full glass, or misery loves company scenario.
I looked into it abit, a reason for why "they" are like that and found these quotes

"There are those who seem to delight in looking for things that are wrong with others if for no other reason than that it makes them feel better about themselves."

“The very act of looking for evil in others develops evil in those who look. By dwelling upon the faults of others, we are changed into the same image. But by beholding Jesus, talking of His love and perfection of character, we become changed into His image. By contemplating the lofty ideal He has placed before us, we shall be uplifted into a pure and holy atmosphere, even the presence of God. When we abide here, there goes forth from us a light that irradiates all who are connected with us”.
 
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I looked into it abit, a reason for why "they" are like that and found these quotes

"There are those who seem to delight in looking for things that are wrong with others if for no other reason than that it makes them feel better about themselves."

“The very act of looking for evil in others develops evil in those who look. By dwelling upon the faults of others, we are changed into the same image. But by beholding Jesus, talking of His love and perfection of character, we become changed into His image. By contemplating the lofty ideal He has placed before us, we shall be uplifted into a pure and holy atmosphere, even the presence of God. When we abide here, there goes forth from us a light that irradiates all who are connected with us”.
Precisely. It's the same with wanting to buy a certain car and then everywhere you turn, you see that car because you become focused on that make and model.

Where one puts their energy, I think is what festers and grows within an individual. It's why it's said to be careful of the story(ies) you tell yourself. As Henry Ford said "If you think you can or can't, you're right".
 
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