seekinheart
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- Joined
- May 15, 2017
- Messages
- 2,133
Some more thoughts
I feel cursed to be honest. I think some people get alot more grace and I don't understand that.
I'm just starting to see the flaws in the polemic thinking of your evil doings being the result of your suffering.
Everything is so accessible and what's worse people have become cold in my experience my family who were once supportive and loving have become intolerant of weakness, apathetic and a typical adage is "just trying to survive"
I see people getting "delivered" but even those involved in this are charging money or creating a following and it's not as easily accessible as they make out.
A family friend died recently he drank alot but after covid and things closing down he drank more your typical story point is, I know some of the most joyous people depressed right now. What do those who have depression have a chance. There is no answer to this question it's just a let down and I know why people take their own lives they have just had enough they can't go on anymore. I feel like that and my last shot was God it was something I looked to, to rescue me and it hasn't. My issues are complex and I don't want to go to personal but this is a hard hard life for me don't see the point anymore.
I feel cursed to be honest. I think some people get alot more grace and I don't understand that.
I'm just starting to see the flaws in the polemic thinking of your evil doings being the result of your suffering.
Exactly u really nailed it.Paul lived under very difficult circumstances and in a culture with its own set of temptations, but I still dont think it compares to what the church faces today. I dont think many of these older generations of Christians really have an idea of how binding and problematic allot of these newer inventions of evil are. They create bondage snd addiction on a scientific level. I cant speak for everyone, but I never had a father growing up and my mother and I had a distant and unorthodox relationship. I spent my teens and early twenties always inundating myself with video games, porn, and alcahol. There was an emptiness and brokeness inside of me cause of that which many Christians just cant relate to. I didnt even truly understand it until later in life how much it would affect me as an adult. It was that same despair and emptiness that led me to fill my life with such carnal quick fixes. These are some of the most addicting things known to man and when you pair them with a broken individual it becomes very difficult to fight against for years on end, especially given how accesible they are. I dont have a wife or kids so again it is a life that many Christians just cant relate to, because many are able to go home to a family at the end of the day. When you pair that lack with the temptations we have today the thought of going back to something that brings immediate satisfaction and inundation is very tempting and always there. This is especially so when as a Christian you can easily fall into depression. I have often felt frustrstion when speaking to some of the Christians who try to give advice, because I realize they just simply cannot relate to what its like to never really grow up with parents. They go home to their family every night. Now this isnt a pity party and I am not trying to generate sympathy, but I am just demonstrating that some Christians are asked to overcome allot more than others. There are handfuls of younger Christians I know who resorted to drugs in their early years and didnt really have parents like me. I see them on fire for the lord but Satan brings them back. Its very depressing to see. I believe in Gods grace and ability to sustain and set free, but the reality is that there are some Christians that have a greater struggle and allot more to overcome, allot more intense warfare on a day to day basis. The younger Christians have serious battles against ahead of them given the nature of the system they are being delivered from. These problems are deeper than theology and advice. That is why I said the thought of a prolonged life always battling the temptations of these things depresses me. Im on a smart phone and if I become overwhelmed with sorrow or grief which is normal for a Christian i can literally go back to my old ways in less than 2 seconds. I had to get rid of my computer cause when i felt depressed I would play video games. They were right there easy access within my home and it was an escape from reality. I couldn't figure out why i felt the way I felt, but I was unable to function properly. I knew it was keeping me from the lord so I sold it. It was like a drug. These are sins and problems the body of Christ just hasnt dealt with and allot of older middle class christians and pastors who came from good families and are married with kids just cant relate to. There were no smart phones back then, no high def televisions where entertainment becomes available at the leisure of your own home, there were none of the things back then that there are today. It is a different spiritual warfare that exists today, a more devestating one IMHO.
Everything is so accessible and what's worse people have become cold in my experience my family who were once supportive and loving have become intolerant of weakness, apathetic and a typical adage is "just trying to survive"
I see people getting "delivered" but even those involved in this are charging money or creating a following and it's not as easily accessible as they make out.
A family friend died recently he drank alot but after covid and things closing down he drank more your typical story point is, I know some of the most joyous people depressed right now. What do those who have depression have a chance. There is no answer to this question it's just a let down and I know why people take their own lives they have just had enough they can't go on anymore. I feel like that and my last shot was God it was something I looked to, to rescue me and it hasn't. My issues are complex and I don't want to go to personal but this is a hard hard life for me don't see the point anymore.